You Are Making A Mistake If You Aren't Honoring Fathers In This Important Way!
WHEN I GET BIG AND YOU GET LITTLE:
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When I was a child, before I understood death, I would say to my father, "Daddy, when I get big and you get little, am I going to take care of you?" My father would laugh and I would sort of laugh him, but I didn't totally understand why we were laughing.
Now, with me at the age of 45 and my father being 89, I get the privilege of ushering him into old age. His chair faces the driveway and the side yard so he can see the wildlife and the comings and goings from the driveway. My mother sits on the couch with her back facing the driveway and she directly faces my father. The other day I walked through the door and both of them were giggling. "What's so funny?" I asked. My mom explained that she looked at my dad and saw a huge smile on his face. She then said "must be Cindy is here"...... then they giggled because she was right! (While I'm close by, most family members are out of town and therefore I'm able to stop unexpectedly or more regularly) I chuckled; yet I felt both happy and sad....... wishing I could be there more.
I then started to do my normal interaction. I use a lot of humor to get him moving, exercising etc... I pick on him because it actually makes him feel more human instead of like an old pity party! "Get moving before I get out my laser gun," I say, he replies with a fake "nooooo squeal..." I then tell him I don't feel sorry for him and not to test me or I'll zap him".... he laughs and complies with the "orders." (He secretly likes the "orders")
On that day, when I was leaving, we were having a more tender moment, as we usually do on my way out, and he said, "Don't forget me; remember I'm little now and your big,"...... Heart stab right here! Sigh....
I reflected on all of this throughout the rest of the day, and I thought about how we become the lifeline of the elderly. We become their only contact to the outside world eventually. What we bring to them is all they get (both in conversation and physical contact).
All too often when we leave our parents' home we go about our own lives and forget that we have not only a duty, but the privilege of caring for and visiting our parents, relatives, and neighbors who need us. It's easy to let time slip and then suddenly find ourselves showing up for a funeral. We make the time when that happens, but what about before that? When they are still here, suffering in isolation and loneliness is when they need us to skip a ballgame, child's lesson, day of school, work or other "important" obligation and come to be with our elders. Life goes full circle. We wouldn't leave a lonely, frail child in isolation and we shouldn't leave our elders this way either. Especially if their memories are fading, they're confused or don't even know who we are. Luckily this isn't my situation, but if it were, Iwould know it was even more important to be there.
This Father's Day, let's teach our children how we would like to be treated when we "get little." Father's Day should be focused on our oldest fathers not just our young ones. Nothing will honor our younger fathers more than to teach our children these important lessons.
Tips for bringing joy to the elderly:
1. Make visits regularly that they can count on and look forward to. (Even if it's once a month or 4 times a year, half their joy is anticipation)
2. Visit them in service. There is nothing better for their mental state than getting some work done. (Often they look at work that is much needed to be done, but they can't do it themselves.) Look around. I'm certain you'll find areas you can help with. Ask them if there is anything you can do! You would be surprised at how one small fix feels miraculous to them!
3. Bring one child at a time (or two maybe). They enjoy getting to know your children more intimately. They like to know the inherited characteristics of them more than a list of talents and accomplishments. Share the struggles as well as celebrations.... sometimes a large group overwhelms them and phone calls are stressful. (It may be hard to hear or even hold the phone).
4. Know the special treats they like. (My mom loves greens and beans from Cracker Barrel or skillet made corn bread and dad loves rum raisin ice cream and cold iced tea.) Small treats make their day!
5. Time is even better than gifts. Even if they dread getting out and about, helping them through the fear and hurdles and "taking over the worries" brings them the most everlasting joy. One outing keeps them renewed for days! Tell them you "got this" and have thought through every obstacle!
6. If it's a loved one you're visiting, relive a powerful old memory with them, and by all means, share with them (in writing or a card) what they have meant to you in your life. Tell them what you learned from them. Don't wait until they're gone to say what's important. They need to hear it now! What would you say at their funeral?
7. Elderly crave physical touch. Be sure to give them a hug or even a little massage. They're thirty for the kinesthetic feedback. Rub a little lotion on their skin!
8. Remember you'll get back what you give. When you model this for your children, they'll know how to treat you someday. What you put out into the world comes back to you!
Reflection: How have I given of myself in this way to someone who is elderly? What can I do TODAY to bring joy to someone? What have I modeled for my children so far?
SHARE THIS LINK to increase joy for our elderly. It only takes two seconds!
Consider yourself challenged to honor the elderly and therefore, yourself!
Cindy
