The First Thing You Must Do To Fix Any Flaw!

The first thing you MUST do to fix any flaw!

We all have flaws. While this statement is true, the depth of the statement is sorely lacking. When we don’t consciously practice deep self-awareness with a determination to change, these flaws have a compounding impact on our lives and we become stuck. The most detrimental flaw of all is when you don’t work on your flaws in a deep way. It requires daily self-reflection and facing the realities that surround you (despite the pain it causes.) This means they continue to plague your existence, and you can never achieve the next level in life. Often, it’s so easy to look at others and see the issues that are causing interference in their lives. We even wonder why they can’t see it or are ignoring the issues and taking no measures to remedy the problem. Here’s the clincher. . .

 You can’t fix a flaw until you DEEPLY acknowledge it!

Sounds easy right? No. This is WAY harder than it sounds. Seeing our own flaws with clarity is hard, but there are strategies to help with this. Since this is a self-development blog and our goal is to always grow and be better versions of ourselves, I ask, “How?” How can we see our flaws more clearly? Personally, I want to know. I want to fix them! If you are a self-help junkie like me, then there is nothing we want more than to be better versions of ourselves. If I’m not growing, I’m dying!

The conundrum is that the MOST important step towards growth is ACKNOWLEDGING the problem. I don’t mean at a surface level. Too often we say things like “yeah, I know, but we all have flaws.” We need to know how it is impacting our lives and those around us. If we skim over the issue, we really don’t have an understanding of the impact. If we lightly acknowledge the issue, we tend to:

1.       Rank it (well what he does is worse than what I do, at least I don’t do that)

2.       Justify it (it’s in my blood)

3.       Blame others for it (I wouldn’t do that if….)

4.       Excuse it (I’m too busy…)

5.       Minimize it (It’s just who I am)

Deep acknowledgment of the flaw is when you specifically focus on what you’re doing and what impact it’s having. No “buts”….can follow the recognition. Yes, it’s painful, VERY painful. However, in the long run it is so worth the fleeting pain! In the moment of hearing any kind of criticism, we feel like it defines us…it doesn’t. We feel like others think we are a bad person or don’t like us. Our pain stems from the fear of being unloved. It’s just simply not true. Just because one or two apples on the apple tree are rotten, doesn’t mean it’s fruitless apple tree!  (One or two rotten apples on the tree don’t make it a fruitless tree.)

How do we tackle this work? The fact that we can’t see our own flaws as clearly as we can see others is acknowledged even as far back as the bible. Mathew 7:3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” There is further scripture that supports the idea that we need to pluck our own plank before we can even clearly see the speck of dust in our brothers'. This says to me, we need to work on ourselves more and focus on others less. If we haven’t made our own self-improvement, we will certainly not be able to see someone else’s issues with clarity. It is especially difficult to recognize our flaws when confronted in controversy (business or personal relationships).  We blame; we are accused; we blame back again! Defenses go wild and these take over our ability to self-reflect. Instead, we self-DEflect!

So how do we deeply recognize these? If we always do what we have always done, we will always get what we have always gotten! So let’s do this:

·       Look for patterns. Until we fix an issue, the same issue keeps showing up in our lives.... Sit and reflect for a moment on the last three issues that have caused you pain. Focus only on your contribution to the problem (even if it was only a small part). Do you find any patterns? This could be the area where you need more awareness.

·       Look for the feedback that triggers you most (gets you all fired up). (It may be triggering your sub-conscience!) As strange as this sounds, the flaws we hate the most in others may be our own flaws, at some level. Ask someone you love and trust the DIRECT question, Do I ____________________ (Be prepared to hear the answer). Ask them to give you examples and accept the answer you hear. Be defenseless! (Observe your natural inclination) Get to know yourself in the process. Is your urge to make an excuse? Defend yourself? Blame others? Observe the emotions that rise to the surface. Are you getting angry? Sad? Do you want to run from the truth? Put yourself in the lab seat and observe from the inside out!

This isn’t easy. This is for the strong and powerful go getters! The payoff is so rewarding. The walls that have been limiting you will tumble down. When you become deeply aware of the issue, change will emerge in time. Once your awareness is heightened, your heart will lead you to stop the behaviors. You will begin to hold yourself accountable. Your life will expand. More opportunities will come along. Better relationships will form, and you will like yourself and others so much more. This is work for YOU and about YOU. If you are complacent and 100% happy with the results you are getting in life, then you don’t need this work. I’m guessing though, that if you have reached the end of this article, you want to grow and have more abundance or stronger relationships in your beautiful life. Let’s do the work.

Do I have any warrior readers who are willing to state their flaw courageously? Just writing it may be the concrete thing that launches you to a new level in life!

If you found this helpful or powerful, please remember to SHARE, LIKE and COMMENT. Be a contributor to help all of us live better lives! Every time you hit the LIKE button, others are given the opportunity to read this.

I will end with a quote from a book I recently read call 7 Lessons From Heaven by, Mary C. Neal, M.D.

"The examined life is priceless because our experiences are containers holding the treasure of revealed wisdom, IF WE LOOK."

Consider yourself FIRED up to self-reflect your way to your best life,

Cindy

(Richenda)