How To Stop The Blame Game With One Question!
How to stop the blame game and gain more peace!
Many years back, I was playing a game at a friends house and the "card question" came up that asked, what would Cindy most likely do if she backed over someone's cat?
A) Bury the cat and not tell anyone
B) Keep going
C) Accept full responsibility and apologize profusely or.....
D) Knock on the neighbors door and apologize but let him know that HE should have been watching his cat or this would have never happened.
Everyone unanimously shouted, "D!!!!" I was flabbergasted! (Insert chuckle here). I sat with this for like 3 days. I stewed and wondered how they could thinkI would do that. I would feel sick and horrible. Why??! Because they were right ( I would have done that to ease my own discomfort). As I started to monitor my own blaming activity..... I was shocked. I could find blame for anything! I began reading self help books on blaming and I found Brene Brown's work. You MUST watch this. I laugh every time because I relate so well!
Yes that was me.....and I still have to fight that old habit. I could look for the missing remote for just 3 seconds and already have a theory as to who took it, all the while I'm sitting on it. Then I have to debate weather to "own it" or keep letting everyone look for it and pretend I found it when they left the room (yes this kind of thought enters your mind and you know it).
Changing this thinking takes diligent practice, constant monitoring and observing of your own thoughts. Catch yourself blaming!
Here's the caveat, when you blame others, you leave yourself resentful, angry (at others) and powerless (because if it's their fault you have no control). It's not good for your well being!
Here's the antidote: Burn this question into your brain and repeat it all the time.
What's my part in this?
In every scenario that arises, ask yourself this question and find the answer. Yes some part of your brain will be screaming "But it's not my fault!" You do have a part in it, even if it's 1% of the issue. If the kids are messing up the house(I struggle accepting blame on this one) then maybe you can only focus on the fact that you have not trained them right or given them consequences that work or perhaps you have not presented a united front with your partner. If you accept blame you will stop the pattern, find a solution and rid yourself of being upset at them. That is where your power, your control and your peace lives. If you just look at your small part in everything and own it, then stop looking further...... you will have no anger, no resentment and no powerlessness. Another bonus at taking the blame, is that when you blame others it just bounces right back at you. Yes, blame is like a bouncy ball. If you blame yourself, people let you off the hook much faster!
If you can't find your part in something, I can help you and I would enjoy it! Send me an email or post your situation in the comments.
PLEASE share this!
If you don't share it, I accept the blame that it's not a good post, (Chuckle)
Cindy Walter
