Quick To Judge Odd Behavior?
Don't be so quick to judge this odd behavior! Judgement will block your love flow!
I like to tell this story because I usually get a wide-eyed look! One day I received a call at work that my mom was in the hospital. I quickly drove there to support her. When I arrived, I asked mom who was with her? She said, in her weakened voice, "Your dad dropped me off out front at the curb." I reply, "Where is he?" Her response, "He went to McDonald's to get a cheeseburger and then went home." This invoked a little reaction inside me and I started my "pressure" questions. "He didn't even come in?" (judging him) I say indignantly, ...... well this scenario began to repeat itself over several months with multiple hospital visits. She remained unaffected. When I question it, her response is, "Well I wouldn't want him here, what can he do?", so I ramp up the questions. I say, "Well what if you died?" She responds, "Well, then it's my time. He can't stop that.", "We have an agreement to meet at the west pearly gates when the other arrives." When I bring one parent or the other home from a hospital stay, here's the real magic. The parent who remains home is always eager to greet the arriving parent from a hospital stay. They are beyond excited, relieved and smiling at one another. They then go into this humorous banter every single time. "Well, I bet you thought you were going to beat me to the other side, nice try." "You gave it your best shot but it just wasn't good enough was it?" The other parent laughs and giggles and says "I tried. But I guess I'm back." They hug and glow. They have a contest going as to who "gets" to go to heaven first! They mean it! Both want to win this one. It is so unique that their unwavering faith masks any upset or fear in their lives. It may be the most joyous moments in my life when I witness this fun loving, faithful banter.
Sometimes so called "odd" behaviors in others can shock us and we can be quick to judge. We do what works for us in our relationships and lives. We tend to find a certain comfort level that just works. Let's honor each other in our practices with curiosity, admiration and love, rather than impose what works for us on them with judgement. As a matter of fact, during mom's recent lengthy hospital recovery (nearly three weeks) dad never visited once (he cared deeply, prayed often and wanted constant updates though) and she didn't question it. It makes me laugh and I'm humbled by how this practice works for both of them and it goes both ways. She doesn't visit him either! They have been married over 50 years. Who are we to judge?
Do we have to accept social norms or can we love and honor one another and accept differences?
Why do we do this? Does it make us feel like we are right? Does it make us feel "better" when we complain to others because we get strength in comradery? It's very short term strength. As soon as you walk out the door, they may fear that you will find out some "short coming" about them (we all have something). If I asked you to raise your hand right now if you have done this, you would probably be the only one! And that's only because you are the only one in the room reading this right now...haha. We have all done it.
I even have a friend who obsesses a little over wheather or not her neighbor brushes her daughters hair "properly," or at all. You can sure as hell bet I brush my daughters hair darn good before I visit her. When we hear others make quick judgements, then we try to live up to their expectation as to save ourselves! It's a sick cycle. I laugh as I think of how twisted we really can be.
If we just "seek to understand," and increase love towards all, this judgement Love Blocker fades away and we find true, not temporary strength and joy. Just being loving makes others feel safe with you. Think of that friend of yours who can laugh with you at all your own twisted little habits or flaws.
Can you think of other ways we are quick to judge? Please share below if you can think of one you witness! Please share this if you have ever judged or been judged too quickly.
Consider yourself loved (even if your hair looks like a rats nest),
Cindy Walter
