The Number One Symptom Of Anxiety No One Talks About: You act like an A***OLE!
The Number One Symptom Of (average) Anxiety No One Talks About: You act like an A***ole!
Yes.... I said it..... It's just true. Think of it from this perspective, do you have someone in your life that intermittently acts like an asshole? One day they are as happy as can be (the person you know and love) and the next day they are just an unexplainable asshole? The cause may be anxiety from stress and fear presenting itself. It has nothing to do with you or all the topics they may be spewing about. It's something else entirely! But YOU just walked into the asshole and more than likely you got shit on. That's what assholes do!!!! (Just my sick humor here, I'm rolling in inappropriate laughter!)
Scenario:
I'm getting ready to entertain. Guests are coming and there are two hours left. My stress/anxiety is mounting from the expectations I have placed on myself. The house needs to appear as if no one lives here, the food needs to be hot, pretty, tasty, have well balanced options and presented like Martha Stewart is coming. I am a WILD woman. Anyone who attempts to "live" in this house today is done for! I swear, if there's one drip on that toilet........
My son walks in from work (the same way he always does) and sets his work bag on the bench and boots in the entryway. The next thing you know I'm screaming "WHO PUT THESE THERE?," (knowing full well who did). He gets my evil eyes, shocked looks, threats.....etc. He actually says "What's your problem?"..... Oh God, help him..... He doesn't even know the unleashing he just invited onto himself....
The next thing you know, I'm now looking for my other shoe I had planned on wearing at the gathering. "IT WAS RIGHT THERE! WHO TOOK IT? SOMEONE MOVED IT!" I begin blaming, yelling, threatening.... it goes on and on but basically to summarize, I'm just an a***ole to anyone or anything in my path. (Of course I find it tucked about 5 inches away, underneath the chair but I'm not about to tell them that!) Next I see another child peeking under the tin foil of a dish I made......oh boy, he's in for it. I now tell him he let all the heat out and ruined the dish. I'm sure you get the picture!
The next scene in this story is me opening the door to greet the guests with a big smile and perfect house behind me ( forget the emotional trauma everyone has been through.) I look good, the house looks good, and the food is good! Sigh...it's not right, I know.
Cases where anxiety/ stress might show up as a***oleness (My own word!):
Mom cleaning filthy house
Kids doing homework that is difficult
Social situations for introverts
Anyone in fear of something upcoming (interview, hard conversation, personal triggers)
Next time you recognize this symptom, pause and remind yourself that this behavior probably has NOTHING to do with you or even what they are spewing about it is about but rather something entirely different. You might want to get more gentle, observe, non defensive to the "Ass"inine behaviors and say "how can I help you right now?" What you don't want to do is argue over the topics they are spewing over. It's not real so their arguments will seem more outlandish, irrational and trust me, you won't win. You will get sh** on and walk away baffled.
Usually when someone is experiencing anxiety they also blame anything or anyone in their radius. "This must be someone's fault." They themselves may not even realize the true issue going on. It's like flight or flight. For me, my body and my mind are in flight and my mouth is fighting with anyone, about anything.
The scenario I presented is a more obvious scenario than many others may be. Sometimes it is less evident what kind of anxiety someone is experiencing. I notice this even with my own children. When they are exhibiting irrational responses or behaviors that make me want to correct them, discipline them, put them in their place, I try to pause long enough to think "What's really going on?".... Usually if I pause long enough, I find out it's really about a test at school, an upcoming interview, asking someone to prom, or perhaps not being invited somewhere with peers.....Basically it's always fear based and a reasonable amount of anxiety is presenting itself. If we transfer this lesson and give the same grace to strangers, It's often the same for them. The beeping horn from behind you at the stop light has nothing to do with the 2 second pause you took when the light turned green and everything to do with something going on with them. Don't take anything at face value or personally when it comes to dealing with an a***ole.
The worst case scenario is for the person who lives with constant anxiety. They may not be so easy to be around ever! Have grace anyway and be empathetic towards the individual.
Everyone experiences anxiety at some point, to some degree in their lives. Some people have crippling anxiety such as seen in anxiety disorders. This post is not intended to make light of the fact that it can be a very serious condition that requires much more than is discussed in this post!
Warning: If that person's anxiety triggers your anxiety, you get the double a***ole effect. That is VERY explosive. Recognize what is happening in time, turn around, walk away, save yourself!
Save an a***ole. SHARE! Clicking "like" on Facebook is the only way this can show up in other's feeds to read (hint, hint)! THANKS!
Consider yourself challenged to pause, and take nothing personally,
Cindy Walter
