LET'S WAKE UP AMERICA! Our "measurements" are damaging our children! MUST FORWARD

LET'S WAKE UP AMERICA! Our "measurements" are damaging our children. Must Forward!

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Jimmy was born into a loving family. His family couldn't have been more in love with this new bundle of life. They beamed and dreamed for him. They wanted to afford him every opportunity to become well rounded, educated, talented and independent. Every milestone met felt like Christmas morning: His first smile, rolling over, pulling up, first words, walking. Soon it developed into bigger moments: Report cards, sporting events, ceremonies, talent shows, concerts, and awards!
They set goals with Jimmy. Regular talks about what he wanted to be when he grew up, where he might want to attend college, and goals for his talents were always touched upon. When they ran into people they knew, they lightly bragged about his accomplishments with pride. "How is Jimmy doing?" Someone might ask. The answer usually reflected the list of milestones and accomplishments. This list never included who he was in the heart outside of the list or what he was doing for others. Jimmy felt proud in those moments but all the while a little voice in his head said, "What if I can't? What if I don't? What if I'm not smart enough or talented enough? I might not be capable." What children figure out is that they'll never measure up. Someone else may be accomplishing more!

That dark seed grew in Jimmy. It was called fear and self doubt. Even when he accomplished things, his self-satisfaction was fleeting. It was temporary. He knew he was loved yet longed for something more and didn't understand why.
As a child named "Jimmy" myself and a mother to four, I often reflect on this. We can't stop these dreams for our children and we shouldn't. We should always celebrate milestones and accomplishments. However, do we have our focus all wrong? Are we actually doing some damage to these tiny babies that grow into adults? Are we sending the wrong message? Many children don't have a list of recognition worthy awards.

We click on Facebook and stroll down through the list of accomplishments of all our friends' families. How often do we see the hearts of these children? Do we know their true gifts? Shouldn't we know one another's gifts rather than talents, accomplishments and milestones? We see glimpses and can read between lines on occasion but it's not what appears important.
I have friends, neighbors, and family who clearly have gifts and struggles, but I know so little about them. I can tell you their talents and accomplishments with ease. When I ask what they are up to, the response is always the "list."
Have we lost sight of what matters? I often wonder if we are focused on the "heart gifts," would every unique child grow into a confident adult and end up having fewer struggles with worthiness and even more accomplishments? They may have less difficulty finding real purpose. If we brag about the heart gifts and support them openly with struggle points, they may have less shame, more purpose and an overall feeling of "enoughness." There would be no need to compare because we aren't comparable. "Jimmy's" gifts weren't meant to look like "Steven's" gifts. He was designed to be himself.

Let's WAKE UP- Valedictorians can become addicts, star athletes depressed, famous people suicidal, yet we still pretend these are the things that measure success. We are contributing to the problem if we don't change the measure.

I want to be a part of the movement where.......

-We post on Facebook what our children are doing for others not just their accomplishments..

-Schools will identify heart gifts and reward them as a rule..... why always reward the same kids for high grades when perhaps it comes easy to them? What about the child who perseveres through the worst literary struggle of his life and finally learns to read in third grade. Is he celebrated and honored? What if to get in honor society you had to recognize your heart gifts and provide evidence of such! (Here is what I have done for others with my unique gifts....for example.)

-Our culture will allow us to see each other's children more transparently only to draw in support, love without judgment...

-Children will be recognized first for heart gifts and giving deeds in bragging rights....

-Comparison will fall away and uniqueness will be honored.....

-Success will be measured in how well a gift is recognized and used by oneself rather than titles, income and material matters....

-The simple fact is that some of our God given gifts just aren't going to generate big titles, certifications, income or material goods. Those things don't bring happiness and yet that's what we honor, celebrate and worst of all judge our parenting success on. This attaches to the child's self worth.

I am going to honor here the heart gifts of my family:
My husband: He is honest, hard working and as loyal as you could be. He would do anything for you!
My first born: He is funny, his empathy for others is a big as they come, he always steps up to a need. He is a quick learner and witty! Just ask him, and he will be there to help. He is a good listener and friend.
My second born: He perseveres through the most difficult of tasks. He is dedicated and pushes himself to do or learn anything. He never makes excuses. He has a black bear exterior and a teddy bear heart. He can't function well or be happy when his family members are hurting.
My third born: His soul is sensitive. He loves order. He is caring and doesn't like to disappoint. He cares more about pleasing others than himself. Self sufficient describes him well. His love for animals and family is bigger than life. He is a lover not a fighter.
My last born and only daughter: This girl was born with innate wisdom. She gets "heart" things and her compassion runs deep. Her love is immense. She loves life and everything there is to experience and learn about it. She spends most of her time making cards, food and artwork for others.

Everyone one of them has faith! That is success! Each of their gifts is also a double edged sword! Seeing them swing the sword both ways is what helps me know that these are their gifts.

All of my children also have accomplishments, talents, and struggles. Some have had good grades, others have struggled. Some may earn more than others or have bigger titles or notoriety in life but to me and God, they are all made perfectly for a purpose. My ultimate goal for them is that they know this and feel successful from the heart, a giving heart.

What are you using as your measuring stick for success? Is it grades and accomplishments or is it the special and unique qualities that your child was born with! Is it how much they give to others? Don't fall prey to false measures. Brag about and feel proud of their uniqueness. You will change how they think of themselves and yourself for that matter.

How do we measure happiness as an adult? Is it through accomplishments or purpose and giving.

Let's change how we think. We can change the measurements for our children and ourselves.

Please FORWARD for change! SHARE the message. Make my day with a comment below!

Consider yourself ENOUGH,

Cindy Walter